Tuesday, February 23, 2016

Would you Want to Know the Future?

Think about that question. Really think about it. If you could know your future, would you want to? What if you found out something terrible was going to happen? Would you not wake up every day wondering if today would be the day? It's hard to stay positive with that mindset.

My mom has early onset Alzheimer's. She was diagnosed at the age of 63. Her father passed away from Alzheimer's. Genetically speaking, my siblings and I have higher odds than most of developing Alzheimer's. There is testing that can be done to find out if we have the gene and if we will develop Alzheimer's. None of us have opted to be tested.

We had family in town this weekend from my dad's side of the family. They were asking me about this testing and if I would consider having it done. They seemed in shock that I said no.

I am overall a very positive person, a Pollyanna. But to essentially be read my future seems awful to me. If I was told that yes I will develop early Alzheimer's, I would constantly be judging every thing that I do and say and so would my husband. I would be awaiting this inevitable misery.

This past weekend I was sorting Girl Scout cookie orders and realized I had shorted myself a case of cookies. (Side note: you can order cookies and have them sent directly to your home here) I knew I had repeated a story to someone as well over the weekend. I mentioned these things to my husband and he reminded me that both girls had been home sick the entire week and I probably had gotten about 10 hours of sleep throughout the week and I cooked for and hosted a large party on Saturday. He assured me these were just signs that I was exhausted and I need not worry.

Guess what, I already worry about developing Alzheimer's all the time. My siblings and I are constantly on the lookout for signs within ourselves and each other. I suppose if I was tested and found out I wouldn't develop this disease, I could breathe a sigh of relief. But what's to say then that I won't develop a type of cancer or who knows what else.

For me, my plan is to live life the best that I can. I want to be a good person and a good role model for my children. I want to live in the moment and enjoy the moments that I am given. Creating moments of joy and not putting things off in life are what I have chosen.

What would you choose?

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